Reflections after more than five years

30/4/2023

Hi everyone, had kind of forgot there was a blog section of the website... and that last post is grim ! haha. Wasn't the best time... and I think we've had like 7 episodes or something since then so, don't worry, it kept going.

But, when I took about 3 minutes to figure out something to write as a blog piece to make that last one not the top one still, the only thing I could really think of was, oh, I forgot, I've been doing this for more than FIVE YEARS!

While this isn't exactly a "job", I think this is now the longest job I've ever had, and its a while off still from an ending.

So I just wanted to say a few things about those five years.

Firstly, I have learned a lot in this time. That has been the biggest thing. I thought I used to know some things about Cambodia when I started, now I realise just how little I knew then. This has been the best learning exercise I could have done.

Secondly, I think the more I do this, the more books, the more sources, the 'better' I get at this, it does seem to take longer. Episodes take a lot of research, they run into the tens of thousands of words for a script, the editing takes days... You'd think I might have been able to shorten that amount of time, but I suppose having other jobs or responsibilities also influences that a lot. But, yeah, I think they are better researched, and get at the complexities of the modern history more... perhaps because I was more aware of these previously, but either way, I hope the quality is coming along.

Thirdly, it has been so rewarding being able to ineract with people, with listeners, other podcasters, survivors, sons and daughters of Cambodian refugees, students, journalists, historians and fellow Cambodia lovers generally. It is such a pleasure. Not to mention being able to use listener donations to support two different charities in Cambodia, genuinely making a difference for people and animals. That makes me very happy to have put so much time and effort into this multi-year project.

While I've gotten used to 'the process', I still have many moments of fascination, energy and excitement when I continue to research and produce it. Thank you to everyone who has listened.

Here is an unrelated picture of me in Mexico where I now live:

5 Comments

Michael

24/5/2023 09:11:10 pm

Thanks for the update... I always thought it must be so much research and work to just get one episode done... I still cannot wait for the next one... This time period where you are "stuck" at right now is just so interesting... I listened to your last three episodes twice... just to make sure to get all the info! Hey, one little question: a while ago i heard an episode where u talked about commenting the "killing fields"... Is something like that existing already? I would be highly interested

Lachlan

25/5/2023 12:16:11 am

Hi Michael ! Yeah its a doozy... but as I said there each one becomes a learning experience for me too, even when I felt like I already knew the topic.

I'm so glad to hear that you have gotten so much out of the last few episodes, I think you will really like the next one too.

As for the Killing Fields commentary, I generally give it to people on the Patreon or who make a donation, but in any case you can download it from https://www.shadowsofutopia.com/subscriber-content.html

All the best and thanks for listening

idflyfish

11/9/2023 12:07:38 pm

I just found this podcast and I am really enjoying it. It is utterly fascinating.

tophatters.co link

1/4/2026 11:45:00 pm

There’s something really honest and refreshing about this kind of reflection—the kind that isn’t polished or overly sentimental, but grounded in the reality of showing up and continuing something over time.

Five years is no small thing. Especially for a project that clearly isn’t just “put something out and move on,” but one that demands depth, care, and sustained curiosity. What stands out most is how your relationship with the subject has evolved. That realization—*that you knew far less than you thought at the beginning*—is often a sign that you’ve actually learned something meaningful. The deeper you go, the more complex everything becomes.

Your point about the work taking longer now is also telling. From the outside, people often assume experience makes things faster. But in reality, it often makes things *slower*—because you start seeing nuance, contradiction, and context that you might have missed before. Research expands, questions multiply, and the responsibility to “get it right” grows heavier. That’s not inefficiency—that’s growth.

There’s also something powerful in the way you describe the community that’s formed around your work. It’s one thing to create something in isolation, but it’s another entirely to have it connect with people who carry personal, historical, or emotional ties to the subject. That kind of engagement turns a project into something bigger than its creator. It becomes a shared space for learning, remembering, and understanding.

And the fact that the project has extended beyond storytelling into tangible impact—supporting charities and contributing in real ways—adds another layer of meaning. It’s easy for long-term creative work to feel abstract at times, so being able to see real-world outcomes from it must be incredibly grounding.

What also comes through is that despite the time, the effort, and the scale of what you’re working on, there’s still a sense of curiosity driving it. That’s probably what’s kept it going more than anything else. Not obligation, not routine—but genuine interest.

In a way, this post feels less like a milestone and more like a checkpoint. Not a conclusion, but a pause to look around and recognize how far things have come—and how much further there still is to go.

And maybe that’s the most impressive part: five years in, and it still feels like you’re just getting started.

Jessica link

1/4/2026 11:45:43 pm

There’s a quiet kind of milestone hidden in what you’ve shared here—the kind that sneaks up on you rather than announcing itself. Five years isn’t just a number, especially for something you’ve built and sustained largely through your own effort. It says a lot about persistence, even if it didn’t always feel intentional at the time.

What’s interesting is how your perspective has shifted over that stretch. That realization—that you didn’t know nearly as much as you thought at the beginning—is something that tends to come with deeper engagement, not just time. It suggests that what you’re doing hasn’t stayed surface-level. You’ve gone further in, and with that comes more questions, more complexity, and probably more responsibility in how you approach each episode.

The fact that the process has become more demanding rather than easier actually makes a lot of sense. As your standards evolve, so does the work behind the scenes. Research gets more detailed, sources multiply, and the pressure to do justice to the subject matter increases. It’s less about efficiency and more about depth—and depth almost always takes time.

Another thing that stands out is the human side of it all. The interactions you’ve had—with listeners, people connected to the history, and others working in similar spaces—add a dimension that can’t really be planned. That kind of engagement tends to reshape a project in subtle ways, making it more collaborative, even if you’re still the one putting it all together.

And then there’s the impact beyond the content itself. Being able to channel something like this into support for causes on the ground gives the work a different kind of weight. It moves it out of the purely intellectual space and into something tangible, which isn’t something every long-term project achieves.

What comes through most, though, is that despite everything—the time investment, the increasing complexity, the balancing with other responsibilities—you’re still finding moments of interest and energy in it. That’s probably the clearest sign that it’s something worth continuing.

It doesn’t feel like you’re looking back to wrap things up. It feels more like you paused, noticed how far you’ve come, and then kept going.

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Reflections after more than five years

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